As I mentioned at the end of the last entry, the ex admitted to reducing my contact with the kids as retaliation for me contacting the police. I guess I should explain the events that led up to that.
For the first couple years following the separation/divorce, I didn't really have a consistent place to live. I had hotel rooms sometimes and even stayed at a local friends house when I needed to. I ended up getting an apartment but it was tiny and had absolutly no extra storage room. Needless to say, the kids didn't really have extra stuff at my house so they had to bring a bag with them that had all the clothes and toys they would need for their entire visit.
This all changed about two years ago when my house was built. The kids had their own rooms with everything I could possibly think they would need. I started buying them new clothes and toys to reduce the requirement of them having to carry stuff from one house to the other. (by the way, I build my new house only a few hundred meters from my ex to make it as easy as possible for the kids to go back and forth)
I would guess that within 6 months or so, the kids had everything they needed at my house and didn't need to carry a bag any more. The only exception was for a few things that were not duplicated.... like their retainers or special stuffed animals that they want to sleep with. I even brought a bunch of clothes from the US. At the time, this was just due to the convience and maybe a bit due to the prices. With how fast the kids were growing, I didn't mind buying them some cheaper clothes from walmart or other department stores. basically, when I was traveling for work and saw a good deal or something I thought the kids would love, I got it for them. They got a ton of new socks and underwear since most of the stuff at the exs house was all handme downs from their older siblings or from some of my exs friends.
After about 6 more months, I started having trouble finding certain outfits and even got to the point it was difficult to dress Emma for school. This is wierd since I had brought more clothes over for her than for Harry. I had even been given a bunch of brand new clothes from a friend whos daughter just didn't like the style. anyway, Emma's closet should have been overflowing with pants and shorts but I was at the point that it was hard to even find a clean set.
I started writing to the ex asking her to send Emmas clothes back over with her on my next visit. I knew some of the clothes were there because I would see them when I video chatted with my kids in the evenings. Every once in a while I would get a pair of jeans back or a random shirt but never any significant quantity to refreash my supply. I asked multiple times but the ex just didn't seem to take it serious. I even mentioned it to the step kids on one of their visits (back when they actually came over) and they agreed that there were a bunch of items over there.
So, I came up with a plan with Emma. I told her that as she goes through her room or gets ready for school, just to set aside anything that she knew was from my house. Most of them were pretty obvious as the styles definately differ between the US and Germany at this age. Since Emma still carried over a bag for her sleeping stuff, this shouldn't be a problem for her to throw an extra pair of pants or tshirt into the bag and bring it over with her. Reminder.... we needed to do this because she was legitimately running out of clothes at my house.
This went on for another few months, Emma would randomly bring an item or two but I would see a ton more when we chatted on the phone at night. I would casually mention that the shirt or pants that she had on were the ones we were looking for and that she should try to remember to bring them to my house next time.
Jump ahead a few months to the end of May, 2022. The first day of my vacation to Morocco. (another trend of the ex is to create drama on the first day of any vacation. I'll cover this someday as well) Anyway, I'm laying by the pool at night and absolutely loving the start of this new adventure. My daugher called and almost immediately says that they took her clothes from my house. I was caught off guard. I asked her to clarify and she told me that she went over with her mother and took the clothes that belonged at her mothers house. She said they brought some stuff back over as well so everything should be good now. I took a second to process this and then basically told Emma that next time, they need to wait until I'm there before going in and taking stuff without my oversight.
At this point, the ex takes the phone and starts yelling at me. She claimed that I started it!!!! She said that I shouldn't have asked Emma to set aside the clothes from my house and that I should have coordinated that through her. I tried to explain that I attempted to do that for months and didn't make any progess. I also tried to explain that it wasn't a big deal, I wasn't picking a fight or even trying to be petty about who bought what, I was simply trying to get enough clothes back in my house that the kids could dress appropriately for school. Unfortunately I couldn't really get any of that out because phone converstations with the ex are completely one sided. She isn't quiet long enough for me to say anything, she wouldn't listen even if I did, and she has no problem shouting made up claims at me the whole time so that I'm overwhelmed and can't logically reply to anythign she said. This is all done in front of the kids btw which helps them learn that she is the boss, she can yell at me and I can't do anything about it. They don't hear any counter arguments so they must assume she is right.
Anyway, I tried to clarify with her what was taken and what was left but she refused to give me any details. She hung up on me and refused to discuss things any further. I tried to write to her and get clarification but her response was that she took the clothes that were from her house, she claimed that I don't buy nice clothes like Old Navy so all the nice stuff must have been from her, and she told me that she took things from my kitchen like tupperwear from the kids school lunches.
I need to clarify something.... Back when my house was first built, I gave my stepdaught a key to my house so that she could check my mail, help with the trash, and even stay there as often as she wanted while I was gone. That key ended up with the ex. I didn't really like this but knew if I made a big deal about it, she would retaliate and make something else worse so I just dealt with it. For the most part, it ended up being a good thing. They went over in bad weather to button up the house. They went over to meet a few repairmen that were fixing some deficiencies from the build. Overall, it ended up being fine that she had access to my house.
I never imagined the day would come that she would go in without my permission and freely walk through my house to take what she wanted. It doesn't matter if she had a key or not, that was not the intention of her having access. I would have no problem going through things with her and then having the ability to debate whether or not something was actually hers. I would have the chance to show a receipt, or photo, or maybe proof that it came from my friend. The problem with her doing this on her own is that I lost the ability to challenger her on any disputed items. To go a step further, I don't even know what she took so couldn't begin to challenge her on anything. I asked her for a detailed list of what she took but she refused.
I was furious but didn't really push the issue until 10 days later when I returned to Germany. Btw, i didn't really hear from the kids over the entire vacation. Its weird that when she is mad, my contact with the kids is non existent, must just be a coincidence right? Its sad because i would love to have showed them the things that were around me during that trip. I think this is just one more step of her controlling the kids, upsetting me, and trying to ruin anything that should make me happy.
Once I got home, I saw that she brought over a bunch of my things that must have been left in her garage from when I moved out. Nothing of real value but still nice to have them back. There were a few of the kids clothes returned but overall, there was now even less clothes then before.
Summary.... i'm running out of clothes and need some back, she takes more clothes, and leave me a few random items.
I confronted her on this and told her that I needed a list or photos of everything she took so I could confirm what she took actually belonged to her. I also wanted a photo of the kids clothes that were there or allow me to come over and get what belonged to me. She refused and claimed everythign was finalized. I could even tell her specific clothes that I knew where there but she still claimed I had everyting.
I ended up calling the police station to find out what the law said about this. They told me there is a bit of a grey area becuase the clothes could technically be considered to belong to the kids but her entering without my permission and taking things without my involvement, was illegal. They offered to send someone to her house and get my things back. I told them that I didn't want it to escalate that far. I told them I would contact her one more time and if she wouldn't cooperate, i'd go to the station to file a report. I reached out to her one more time, told her that what she did was illegal and that I wanted to resolve this on the lowest level possible. all I wanted was to know what was taken and be given a chance to debate the things I believed were mine. She responded that she was done talking about this and that I shouldn't contact her again.
I got my key back from her and headed to the police station. I filed a report and again told them not to escalate it. They wanted to notifiy the Jugendamt to which I also said I didn't think it was necessary. I just wanted documentation that she entered my house and took things without me being present. This shows how confident and untouchable she thinks she is. Can you imagine someone being so bold that they go into their ex's house and take things without any fear of repercussions? This just helps show what I've been up against for the past 6 years.
Anyway... Thats a long enough story for ya. The bottom line is that in November she somehow found out that I contacted the police over that situation and cut me off from the kids as retaliation. I'm thankful she admitted that in front of the Jugendamt as that may come back to help me some time in the future. It was strage though, even in front of the jugendamt, she didn't feel like she did anything wrong and that I was the bad guy for contacting the police.
One more note..... of the subsequent 4 months or so, more and more of the kids clothes would randomly show up at my house. Guess she finally realized how much she actually had. Oh, and her claim that I don't buy Old Navy..... maybe she should tell me where it would even be possible for her to buy that in Germany!!!!
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