3/17/2022
There are some very common trends that occur on a nearly daily or weekly basis. If friends or family are around, I could tell them what will happen next with probably a 90% certainty. Here is an great example from today.
The kids go to bed about 7 so typically I hear from them between 6 and 7 so I put a lot of effort into making myself available. (I'll dig into the timing a bit more at the end of this post) I haven't heard from the kids in the past 3 or 4 days so I assumed it was about time to hear from them. I've been off for the past 3 days so it would have been the perfect time for them to call but oddly enough, every time I tell my daughter what days I'm off, those are the days they never call. Anyway, They did try to call today but I made the mistake of leaving my phone at the computer where I was studying while I quickly used the bathroom. The phone rang so I halted things as quick as I could be didn't get the phone quick enough. I picked up the phone and immediately called back so maybe 20 seconds has lapsed since my phone had stopped ringing. Surprise, no answer. OK, Emma must have left the room already but will call back. Nope, didn't hear from them again for the rest of the night. No note from the ex acknowledging the attempt or a justification why they can't try again.
You might ask why I didn't just keep trying.... Well, I use to but the ex will then start a fight with me and say that I'm harassing them, that they are obviously busy and will call back as soon as they have time. She will remind me that their schedule doesn't revolve around me and that if I wanted to talk to my children, I should have been available when they called. Of course I've tried to have the civil conversation about not being available when I'm flying, or in class, in the restroom, or even sleeping but none of those excuses are significant enough to justify missing a call from my kids. Remember.... I don't know what day they will call, I really don't know what time, yes, there is a common range but it can vary as she deems necessary.
Anyway, back to the original rant.... this is not the first time its played out like this and there have even been a few times where friends or family have been right next to me. I would tell them as I called back that odds were that no one would answer. They didn't believe me since the phone would only be a few feet away from the kids at this point, they would clearly hear in ring and come right back. Nope, I was right, no call. They were all shocked. As they hung out with me more and more, they saw the trends and realized the games my ex would play to maintain her power.
Emma is a smart and curious girl, quite frequently when I chat with her, she goes back and reads the messages i sent to the ex or pictures that we've shared. Whats app even shows the missed calls but oddly enough when she asks me why I didn't answer, I tell her that I called back within seconds. She looks and there is no record of it. Is the ex deleting the line that says missed incoming call? I don't know (I do know its possible because I tried) but if I ask her, she'll start a fight with me and call me crazy.
So, real quick about the timing of the call. They would call about 6 because that is when they would sit down to eat. Not as a family and not a proper meal. Just 2 kids sitting alone eating a healthy cream cheese sandwich for dinner. personal opinions.... 6 is too late to eat if they go to bed at 7, cream cheese sandwiches for dinner is not healthy enough (but its cheap) and not eating as a family is something I really don't agree with. If they don't call while they are busy eating, they will call right after that which is the time that cartoons are on so they are even further distracted. After that they get bed ready and are in bed by 7. There is never a chance for me to talk to them at 7:01 or later since they are in bed. In reality based on conversations with DJ and Riley, the little ones are up past 7 very frequently. This is just another limit that the ex imposes to aid in her level of control.
I look forward to the day my kids are old enough to realize the interference she causes in our relationship.
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