5Feb2018
I had begun to build friendships with a few of my classmates based on our similar military backgrounds, but only a week into this class, I didn't think I had any bonds that were strong enough to carry me through this.
I told a few of my classmates about my night and knew instantly that I had the support that I would need. Rather than taking the shuttle with the rest of the class, one of my friends decided to drive so we'd have some privacy to talk on the 20 minute ride to class. Needless to say, I was not able to keep my typical emotionless attitude, it was very hard to open up but as soon as I did, I couldn't hold back the tears.
Once we reached the classroom I had my emotions back in check and poised myself to be the true professional that I was known to be. After a few quick briefings, it was straight into our test, the one that would mark the official start of my new airline career if I was successful. This was a closed book test that required 100% correct to pass. There were only two subject areas, limitations and immediate action items. The limitations deal with everything from maximum altitudes to what the oil pressure would be at different power settings. some of these answers are simply a number while others are very specific definitions or procedures. The immediate action items are the memorized steps that you would perform in the event of certain emergencies. As I'm sure you can imagine, this is not an easy test. I was very concerned that my mind would not allow me to focus properly or recall the needed information. I progressed through the test but had to skip a few questions whos answers eluded me at the time. Before I flipped back to the front to revisit those skipped questions, I had to take a moment and address my building fear of failure. I know if I make a second pass through the questions and still can't recall the answers, not only do I fail this test and severely hurt my chances of a successful career, I also prove to myself that I'm incapable of separating my home struggles from my work requirements. Safety cannot be compromised by a pilot that is distracted in any way.
I took a deep breath, flipped back to the first page, and dove in to attack the remaining 8 or 9 questions. To my surprise, I reached the back page again without having to skip any of the questions for a second time. Now, I just have to sit and wait for it to be graded. I'm confident that I know the information, the concern is whether or not I was focused enough to write it down correctly.
I passed that test, not just in regards to the grade, but also my ability so separate personal issues from my work requirements. I'm sure this will be critical to my success in this career.
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